By this point, the format should be old hat to everybody, but just in case this is your first time, here’s what we’re doing:
Three drafters, Dan, Sasha, and Dave, participate in a snake-style fantasy draft, picking out the best of a movie-related category. This week, we are choosing from Fictional Bands.
The rules are as follows:
- The band must be fictional and has to have appeared in a film.
- Solo acts are allowed.
- Animation is allowed.
- But real groups, or a thinly-veiled stand-in for a real, historical group, is disqualified. (E.g. No drafting B-Rabbit from 8 Mile, he’s clearly just Eminem.)
- In order to count, the artist or group has to have performed in front of a live audience.
- So no drafting some camp counselor from Friday the 13th 5 who just happened to strum a guitar, no matter how talented they seemed.
- Our goal is not to build a supergroup, simply to draft the best options available.
- The draft will be six rounds.
The draft order was randomized and came out as Dan, Sasha, Dave.
As with all of the drafts, any post-draft analysis provided by the players is [in brackets].
Dan, you’ve got the first pick– Take it away.
Dan: Ohh first pick. Tough choice. I think there are a lot of great early choices so it’s not the advantage it is in other drafts, but I think I just have to go with the classic:
Dan, Round 1, Pick 1: Spinal Tap (This is Spinal Tap)
[Dan: There are a lot of solid choices for best fictional band but the most iconic of them all is Spinal Tap. With this headlining my lineup my draft is turned up to 11.]
[Dave: I think this has to be the consensus 1.1 for this draft. They’re the Christian McCaffrey of fake bands. If any group is synonymous with “fictional band,” this is it.]
Sasha: God damn you, Dan.
Sasha, Round 1, Pick 2: the Mos Eisley Cantina Band (Star Wars: A New Hope)
Dave: Fuck you. You’re not allowed to take them if you don’t know the name of the band!
Dan: Nice pick!!
Dave: Figrin D’an and the Modal Nodes, you poser!
Sasha: I knew it!
Dan: Haha, I predicted this was one of Dave’s.
Sasha: I KNEW I had to pull that early, it wouldn’t drop. Not my fav band, but winning this is about taking the picks that are high-demand.
[Sasha: This feels like as much of a lock as grabbing Giannis in the first round of a hoops draft. Everyone loves Mos Eisley’s best bar band.
They’re iconic. In one pick I just brought in an army of Star Wars heads to my camp––welcome! They’re nerdy enough to be cool, they’re musically sophisticated enough to be credible––hell their tunes are by JOHN WILLIAMS!
We’re done here.]
[Dan: Sasha had a fun pick with the band from the Mos Eisley Cantina and no doubt strategic given he’s facing Dave and me. They were definitely in my top 5.]
[Dave: Fiery Figrin D’an and the Modal Nodes were hands down the best jizz-wailers in the entire galaxy- far too prominent to be stuck playing in such a backwater as Mos Eisley Cantina. Unfortunately for them, frontman Figrin had a bit of a gambling problem and lost ownership of all their precious instruments to local drunk (and secret war-criminal) Labria in a card game. That left them no choice but to keep playing at the dump for as long as it took to earn their instruments back.
And while none of that backstory is canon anymore, the Star Wars Cantina Band song is as iconic a movie tune as you can find. For a fake tune, it’s pretty catchy. Catchy enough to listen to for 10 hours straight!]
Dave, Round 1, Pick 3: Fortunately for me, there’s more than one musical group in the Star Wars universe, so give me The Max Rebo Band (Star Wars: Return of the Jedi)
Dave, Round 2, Pick 1: And on the swing, let’s keep the puppet, or should we say, muppet theme going: Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem (The Muppet Movie)
[Dave: I was crushed that I couldn’t get the Cantina band, but the house band at Jabba’s palace is nearly as well-known. Now, obviously, I’m drafting the original release version- We won’t even mention the CGI abomination that scalded our eyes and ears in the re-release. And for the second pick- people like Muppets.]
Dan: Oh you jerk Dave. I thought those Muppets would drop to me!
[Dan: Dave responded by picking the band from Return of the Jedi, but as a first pick I think he left way too many good choices on the board. The Cantina band has some charm… the band at Jabba’s Palace… not so much. The updated scene is filled with TERRIBLE CGI and annoying over-the-top hamminess. Sorry, Dave. Your Muppets pick was great, though. I was hoping they’d drop to me.]
Sasha, Round 2, Pick 2: With my second pick, I am thrilled to get my favorite fictional band: Stillwater from Almost Famous.
[Sasha: Almost Famous is one of my favorite movies of all time. I adore it. It’s perfect. Stillwater is everything. If you get this pick, then there’s really nothing to say. If you don’t, go click that link.
And if you still don’t, honestly that’s fine.]
Dave: Regarding the rule about thinly-veiled biographies, Stillwater isn’t based on anything, so they’re fine. But the protagonist of the movie is a stand-in for Cameron Crowe, so he wouldn’t have been allowed, if that makes sense.
[Dave: I never really understood the whole “thing” with Almost Famous; I only ever found the movie to be “fine.” Still, I do know how popular and well-regarded it is, so I recognize that this is a strong pick.]
Dan, Round 2, Pick 3: I’m surprised this one dropped to me because Keanu is having a moment, Wyld Stallyns (Bill & Ted)
[Dan: I mean come on. I should just get the victory here. Keanu Reeves is on my team. This band is so good it saved reality itself.]
[Dave: This is a strong choice, and I considered it myself. However, compared to some of the other options, the strength of Wyld Stallyns is mostly theoretical. Their lore says they’re so great they save humanity, but we never really hear them play all that much. They’re still worth drafting, but I would have taken them a bit later, given that fact.]
Dan, Round 3, Pick 1: I’m hoping another band will drop to me if I go with this here, but whatever. I really like this movie and the concept here. Marty McFly, Marvin Berry, and the Starlighters (Back to the Future)
Dave: Hmmmm…. Interesting.
Sasha: Yep yep, great one. I looked at that.
[Dan: This scene is amazing. Super fun conceit as Marty plays a song that doesn’t exist yet and rocks the High School dance. Chuck Berry finally finds that sound he’s been looking for. Oh, and Marty and the band are so good he gets his parents to fall in love and kiss, saving his future.]
Sasha, Round 3, Pick 2: I’m going Soggy Bottom Boys (O Brother Where Art Thou?)
Dan: Welp. Not only did it not drop, but it didn’t make one more pick. UGH!
[Sasha: “Man of Constant Sorrow.” Period. Probably my favorite movie song of all time. I love this band. I love the members. I absolutely adore this old spiritual/blues sound that is so deeply soaked in American roots, you can smell it.
Also: Just imagining hanging with the last two bands backstage…]
Dave: I am stoked because both of these next choices were high on my list and fell to me here at this swing!
Dave, Round 3, Pick 3: NWH (aka. N****z with Hats) (Fear of a Black Hat)
[Dave: The Spinal Tap of hip hop. Not only is this old-school rap group hilarious, they can really rock the mic, with hits ranging from “Booty Juice” to “Kill Whitey.”
Even as solo artists, the members of NWH produce notable gems, such as “Come and Pet the Pussy” from Ice Cold, and “Granny Said Kick Yo Ass” by Tasty Taste.]
Dave, Round 4, Pick 1: Dewey Cox (Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story)
[Dave: The man who does it all! With a career spanning every decade- and every musical style- from the 50s to the 2000s, Dewey Cox is a prodigy whose peripatetic musical genius knows no limit. He may not have a sense of smell, but like Daredevil, he makes up for that lost sense by heightened powers elsewhere. (Music!)]
Dan: They were both on my list but a little bit lower. Solid choices though.
Dave: Man there are SO MANY great picks left, still. We’ll have to do honorable mentions again.
Sasha: Ha! Nice picks, Dave. I love it.
Man, I’m going to zag here, but it feels like the time…
Sasha, Round 4, Pick 2: School of Rock band (School of Rock)
Dave: That’s a fun pick.
[Sasha: Big-time millennial pick. I grew up on this movie. It is my childhood. To this day, I still say, “If you can’t do, teach. If you can’t teach, teach gym.” Jack Black is an American treasure. I adore him. He’s everything you want in a frontman.
And this band is still playing! They literally played ACL in 2019! They can put on a hell of a show, I love the retro-rock vibes.]
Editors note: RIP to Kevin Clark, who played drummer Freddy “Spazzy McGee” Jones. Kevin passed away this year after being hit by a truck on his bike. He was just 32-years-old.
Dan: I feel like this is a sleeper pick here but I’m psyched to get her.
Dan, Round 4, Pick 3: Jessica Rabbit (Who Framed Roger Rabbit?)
Sasha: NICE Dan!
Dave: WHOA! That was not on my draft board!!
[Dan: A sleeper pick but the greatest fictional lounge singer of all time. A total showstopper.]
[Dave: This was an amazing pick. I’m jealous I didn’t think of it.]
Dan: I got burned last time but I think my 6th pick will actually fall so I’m going with…
Dan, Round 5, Pick 1: Sex Bob-omb (Scott Pilgrim vs. The World)
Sasha: On my board! Great fucking pick, happy to see it.
[Dan: I actually watched this movie recently because I was researching fictional bands for this draft. Really fun time, with a great cast and amazingly ahead of the curve integration of its comic influences. I’m sealing my win in this battle of the bands with this pick.]
[Dave: Hahaha, poor Dan. He made a mistake here…]
Sasha: Man, I reallyyyy thought you boys would be all over this, shocked I’m here, but let’s go…
Sasha, Round 5, Pick 2: Diva Plavalaguna (The 5th Element)
Dave: OMG I loooooooooooooooooooooooooooove it!!!!
Dan: Hahaha I like the pick, but I was worried no one in the audience would know who it was.
Dave: I think he’s fine so long as “5th Element” is there.
[Sasha: At the end of the day, we’re a crew of fantasy/sci-fi guys. This was one for the base. Shocked Dan or Dave didn’t pull her.
Great performance, I wanted an alien on here, and I wanted to rep a great movie. Love having the Diva.]
Dave: Alright, well, because you guys did those amazing random pulls, I actually have a lot of choices left on my draft board, and only two picks left to make, and it’s kind of upsetting having to choose….
I’m going to split the difference between “high visibility” and “obscure” here.
A big one that I’m surprised didn’t get chosen:
Dave, Round 5, Pick 3: The Blues Brothers (The Blues Brothers)
[Dave: Draft value galore here.]
Dave: My last pick will be the hip, obscure one. Dan, you took Sex Bob-omb, which is a nice choice, but an error. They’re not even that good a band! And they are certainly not the best band in that movie. That honor belongs to…
Dave, Round 6: Pick 1: The Clash at Demonhead (Scott Pilgrim vs. The World)
[Dave: Fuck the Sex Bobs. This is the Scott Pilgrim band you want. Hip, cool, and with a great sound, they feature Brie Larson in what is still her best role, and Brandon Routh in a hilarious cameo as a superpowered vegan bassist. Listen to Dan’s choice play, and then listen to the Clash at Demonhead’s alluring, ethereal single- courtesy of the Canadian indie-group Metric- and tell me who made the better choice.]
[Dan: Dave, of course, couldn’t just take the scraps of the Star Wars Universe bands, but also decided to do it again with another band from Scott Pilgrim vs The World.]
Sasha, Round 6, Pick 2: I’m going with a movie I secretly love and a band I love, The Barden Bellas (Pitch Perfect)
Dan: lol They are on my list!
Sasha: Love Anna Kendrick
Dave: Lotta educational bands on Sasha’s list.
Dan: Ya surprised he didn’t pick High School Musical.
Sasha: Oh come on!
[Sasha: Yeah, I’m a big Pitch Perfect guy. Is it cool to say that? I really enjoyed those movies. Love the crew, love the music. I think they bring a ton to this space.]
Dave: Alright Dan, bring it home.
Dan: Ok to cap things off… I’m having a real crisis on what to pick here. I could go with the hip pick or I could date myself and go with a more obscure, ridiculous one. Hmm.
Since it’s an extra pick anyway I can’t help myself:
Dan, Round 6, Pick 3: Sister Mary Clarence and the Nun Choir (Sister Act)
Sasha: Oh Dan that’s a fantastic one!!! Nice work!
Dave: Yeah, that is another great choice. Well done, dude.
[Dan: There were so many great choices left, but I could only take one. I was really tempted by Hedwig and the Angry Inch, but even though this pick is less hip and probably dates me a bit, I couldn’t resist taking Sister Act. This musical act even got the Pope bouncing in the church balcony! This was a massive hit in the early 90s, and a pick filled with nostalgia and joy. It really would take an act of God if I don’t win this Battle of the Bands now.]
Dave: Alright guys, any final thoughts?
[Sasha: If there’s one mantra that guides my journey through life it is “give the people what they want.” This was my draft for the people.
If each draft was a lineup for a festival, who are you voting for? Did you even really have to think about it? Imagine the Nodes kicking things off and setting the tone for the best day of your life. Stillwater hitting the sunset set and putting the fever in your dog. Incredible entertainers from Jack Black to George Clooney to Anna Kendrick coming at you from all sides, and then we close out the night with lighters in the air for the Diva. And the cool thing, this time around she doesn’t have to die!
These bands have joy, they have soul, they rock, they sound amazing. Movie band revival and I’ve been reborn!]
[Dave: I’ll let my lineup do the talking. Just listen to that Clash at Demonhead song. That is a band.]
Dan: The group from Pixar’s Soul, The Folksmen, or Robbie Hart from The Wedding Singer.
Sasha: DJay (Hustle & Flow), Llewyn Davis, The Bleek Quintet (Mo’ Beta Blues), Otis “Bad” Blake (Crazy Heart), Bill Murray (once he’s good) from Groundhog Day [Dave: Runs afoul of the “play a show” rule], Jackson Maine (A Star is Born), Marie De Salle (High Fidelity), the Band from Sound of Metal
Dave: Hedwig and the Angry Inch, Josie and the Pussycats, Buckaroo Bonzai and the Hong Kong Cavaliers, The Lone Rangers (Airheads), The 1ders (That Thing You Do), Sonic Death Monkey (High Fidelity)
- Spinal Tap (This is Spinal Tap)
- Wyld Stallyns (Bill & Ted)
- Marty McFly, Marvin Berry, and the Starlighters (Back to the Future)
- Jessica Rabbit (Who Framed Roger Rabbit?)
- Sex Bob-omb (Scott Pilgrim vs. The World)
- Sister Mary Clarence and the Nun Choir (Sister Act)
- Figrin D’an and the Modal Nodes aka The Mos Eisley Cantina Band (Star Wars: A New Hope)
- Stillwater (Almost Famous)
- Soggy Bottom Boys (O Brother Where Art Thou?)
- School of Rock band (School of Rock)
- Diva Plavalaguna (The 5th Element)
- The Barden Bellas (Pitch Perfect)
- The Max Rebo Band (Star Wars: Return of the Jedi)
- Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem (The Muppet Movie)
- NWH aka N****z with Hats (Fear of a Black Hat)
- Dewey Cox (Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story)
- The Blues Brothers (The Blues Brothers)
- The Clash at Demonhead (Scott Pilgrim vs. The World)
Who won this fantastical sonic duel?
Vote below, leave comments, and let us know what you think!